I'm 19 this coming sunday.Not that I think you care in any way, but me, I do. I just need to let this out.

Aside from the fact that I haven't got anything figured out (including myself), the other thing that's been bothering me, is that, I'm getting worse. I am moving too slow and time is going by too fast and I can't keep up with it. I've been running but I'm still nowhere. Should I take several steps back or should I just keep on running? Maybe few more miles, there lies the end of my uncertainty. But which? few miles back or few miles forward?

I wish I could only write, think, and speak in present tense. So there'd be no regret. So there'd be no dreaming. But regret and dreaming are two things I haven't been able to live without. I wish this coming sunday I'd be able to lay regret to rest.

Today is three days away from sunday, from my birthday, my 19th birthday. And today I am three days away from my last teen year. And until now that's the only thing I've figured out.

no lo se

pero no me

importa

yo odio que siento hoy

y yo estoy contigo

ellos dicen

yo estoy loca

yo soy loca

escuchame

por favor

que hago?

que debo hacer?

respondame

que hago?

que debo hacer?

no lo se

pero

no me importa

I don't know what lurks in the other side of the room.

What I know is I'm still alone

in spite of this 27 hectares.

How many footsteps does it take to

find a hand that won't let go?

I still don't know what lurks in the other side of the room.

What I know is when I walk,

my shadow walks with me.

How many footsteps does it take

to find a company?

I still don't know what lurks in the other side of the room.

What I know is it's raining

and I'll go home wet.

How many footsteps does it take

to find a voice that sings with me in the rain?

I still don't know what lurks in the other side of the room.

Then I figure out, I've wondered about everything but it.

So I turn my head.

....I've no more questions...

It's harder to write about the real thing.

For the past 8 months, I've felt everything I imagined to feel and more. I was never this much of a cryer before I found myself having no choice but to give in and just say "yes".

I love you. I know what we have isn't just another joke waiting to get few laughs.

I love you. But I can never say that I never cared about your past. Because I did. And sometimes, I think I still do. But people live for the present....The first thing you think about when you wake up is the things you'll do today..PRESENT.

The first person I think about when I wake up is YOU..PRESENT.YOU and ME.Not you and HER and her and her and her.

I love you. But when you hurt me, you leave me with no one to turn to. You're the only shoulder I can lean on, you're the only arms I can run to, you're the only shirt I can cry on. Even when you hurt me, I still find myself turning to you for comfort.

I love you. even with the fact that you have everything I hate; You're an airhead, you're oversensitive, and you can be self-absorbed at times.

I love you.And you have everything I hate.

 But I didn't know that you have everything that I'd love.

I didn't know that you have everything that I'll die if I let go.

I love you.

I am not a great story-teller.

But we know that what we are is much more appealing than this blog post.

hehehe.

Your eyes demand so much more than a stare

and I give more than what I should surrender

as my arms always find their way to be wrapped around you...

as my lips always find their way to meet yours...

as my heart finds every way to love you...

I would but

I don't have the right

nor the power

to save you from yourself...

All these mementos

belong to the two people

who were once

the two of us...

Reminiscing just seems

like digging the past up....

It's been a while since our yesterday

succumbed to a disease called

pride........

we let it die

though our heart's prescription

was 'learn to compromise'....

How I wish we weren't so critical..

Intuition's always the best bet....

...But heck...

All we can do now is regret...

Na late ba ko ng konti?

Paano kung hindi?

Wala ka bang baygon na nilaklak?

Wala ka bang lubid na itinali?

Hindi ka kaya nag self pity?

At nag-emote ng matindi?

Pinatawa kaya kita noon?

Para di ka lumobo sa kakakain?

Sinamahan kaya kitang umiyak?

Sinamahan kaya kita sa pananapak?

Nakarinig ka kaya ng isang dosenang tanga?

Sinabi ko kayang "tol, tayo na lang sana"?

May "i love you" kaya akong nakuha?

Sa puso mong kagagaling sa pagkakadapa?

wala no?

Di ko na to masusundan..

Kung ano man ang mga pwedeng nangyari

kung nag kaganon man

ayoko ng manghula

ayoko ng malaman

katokin ko man ang ulo ko

at suntukin ko  man yang bilbil mo,

andito na tayo..

at bawal mag-break!

Now I know you're somewhere I've never been

And I'll never be

I can't feel what you feel

and I guess I never will

I could try to fit in your shoes

But your shoe size is constantly changing

As you submit to melancholy,

Not a single thing  is mending

There's a time to hurt

There's a time to heal

Don't succumb to pain

When there's no time to kill

Your eyes tell me to mind my own business

and to never care about yours ever again.

I've lost the power to stop you from crying

I am not allowed to tell you that you've shed enough tears

Your ears will never hear anything from me

Your hand will never take mine when it needs company

I am not allowed to tell you that you've already spent enough time being alone

The one I couldn't care more about is really gone

I lost him to the pain I thought I managed to mend

and if he'll be back is not written in the palm of my hand

Two things you just can't stand:

1.Time

2. Me

Time can't keep up with you

and so can't I

You move too fast

You forget the past

where I should belong

too fast

And you never take time

to reminisce

cause admit it or not..

we know it..

we're part of your memories....

I'm tired

I just might give up the chase

But time never will

It'll stay with you

When it gets to you...

.... I'm running out of it

'cause it's chasing you...

Temperature's dropping

The cold wind

Your cold eyes

The cold nights

Your cold heart

If Sinatra was ever right,

that summer wind's a fickle friend,

I ask you this, my love,

'did I ever lose you to it?'

Thought I heard a bang bang

He fell down

He got up

But his heart's left lying on the floor

She said

It's a cold case

She was leaving with no trace

cause she even took his pride

and kicked him on the side, to the side

of what used to be

"4 walls

3 words

2 hearts

and 1 love"

then to the door,

she went right out.....

Well I guess

she wished it was the formula

of the perfect crime

Cause there's two sides, two views to every story

and the view from a neighbor's window

is always such a sight..

Kapag malalim na ang gabi

Alam kong uumagahin na ko

sa kahihintay sa muli mong pagbati

Ilang oras na lang

Hindi na ako guguluhin ng antok

at maya maya lang

Hindi na ako patutulugin ng muta

Walang bukas

Walang next week

Walang next month

Walang next year

Sa taong hindi matutulog

Kung may balak kang mang-iwan

Wala akong panahon na mabibilang

Kung may balak kang mang-iwan

Dapat wala ka ng balak bumalik

Di ko rin alam kung kailan kahit

ang huli nating pagtatalik..

..........................

Kapag malalim na ang gabi

Alam kong uumagahin na ko

sa kahihintay sa muli mong pagbati

Ilang oras na lang

Hindi na ako guguluhin ng antok

At maya maya lang

Hindi na ako patutulugin ng muta....

Was it my heart?

or did I just get tired of confusion?

Was it my head?

or did I just not have the time to think twice?

Was it emptiness?

or did I just get tired of being alone?

Is this doubt, fear, or apprehension?

Or are you just guilty of too many things I can't let go?.... and too many things I don't know how not to love?...

not letting my guards down

my heart's not rock-hard

just running around in circles

I am the hardest to crack

can't be giving in

undo's not an option

if it doesn't work out

what you say the heaven has planned

yes and no

must never come with a doubt

but uncertainty and I

go hand in hand

so choose what you want to hear

we'll be just staying here

don't stop breathing

don't hold a single breath

there might be

a need to let out

a very long sigh

in the end

and a large room to fill

with regrets

the useless street lamps

tells me to sleep

but your voice

tells me otherwise

the silence is bothering

corners of this room

offer discomfort

but your last touch did

otherwise

I have every right to hurt

But you make me change my mind.

We were raised with bedtime stories,

with fairytales

Now, we just call them fiction.....or stupid.

We believed in everything that was colorful and fascinating

Now, we just call them mush......or "wake up"

Childhood never told us about reality

Catching up has been hard

We were raised with bedtime stories

Childhood never told us about today

Catching up has been hard

cause we were sleeping when we were suppose to grow up

Here is good

High off the ground

Here is great

Safe and sound

But here is cold

and I am here

and you're there

and you're a force

taking me down, taking me higher

and you're a force

and where I am is cold

and you're taking control

and I'm falling..

You're the law of gravity

No one's ever broken

I'm not an exception

I can't stay here and float around

You're the gravity,

Pulling me down

I'll lay on your cushion, your heart

when I get to the ground

You're my gravity

I'm falling......

You're pulling me down

What are the chances of him meeting her again

across the same street where they sat, talked, dreamed,

and parted?

What if the moon was the only light?

Would they stand by each other's side?

Would he grab her before she calls a cab?

Or would it be a chance left untaken?

'cause fate doesn't only happen once?